There Is Nothing I Want Enough to Sulk Over
These days, things are just… that way.
There is nothing to get angry about,
nothing to feel hurt over,
nothing I desperately long for.
The day simply passes,
and time moves through me.
People ask,
“So what do you want to do most these days?”
I pause, and then fail to answer.
At some point, the very sensation of wanting something disappeared inside me.
Having nothing to sulk about does not mean desire has vanished—
it means the capacity to feel desire has worn thin.
I Do Not Feel Emotions, but the Absence of Them
Before, I did not even know that.
I simply said, “I’m fine.”
Only now do I realize it was a lie.
“Fine” was not comfort—
it was another name for an extinguished emotional state.
Now it is different.
I can feel the emptiness.
Even in an empty room,
my senses have returned enough to feel the air move.
That may be the first sign of recovery.
A Day with Nothing to Sulk About Is Still a Living Day
Sulking is an emotion born from having room to feel.
It is the sound that bursts out
when there is still a wish in the heart,
and that wish is frustrated.
But I folded my wishes away for too long.
I want to believe that emotions, like water,
may stagnate—but one day begin to flow again.
Today is just… that way.
But being able to say “just that way”
feels, somehow, like a small mercy.
When I Want Something Again, Someday
Then perhaps the road toward it will not feel frightening.
Then I might even be able to sulk again.
When emotions begin to flow,
the world will start touching me again.
For now, I am simply enduring a day with nothing happening.
Not that nothing is happening—
but that I am quietly coming back to life.
On a day with nothing to sulk about,
I let my emotions rest again today.
And softly, I tell myself that it is okay.
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