Anxiety Beneath Politeness
Geum-myeong’s parents are unusually deferential in front of her in-laws. They bow their heads, lace every sentence with a smile, and offer endless courtesy to the family their daughter married into. Yet there is something uneasy about that politeness. It feels less like humility and more like manners shaped by fear.
A Parent’s Heart, Another Face of Love
I imagine what must be going through their minds. “What if our daughter suffers in that household?”
“If we earn goodwill now, maybe they’ll be less harsh on her later.”
This is not calculation so much as an instinct to manage future anxiety in advance. Love often carries anxiety with it, and anxiety has a way of making people smaller.
The Backlash of Hollow Courtesy
But such excessive deference ultimately backfires. Politeness stripped of sincerity leaves the other side with the impression that the relationship itself is unequal. And the child absorbs that imbalance in the air. “Safety comes from watching others’ moods.”
Geum-myeong shrinking in front of her in-laws may be an emotion she learned long ago.
The Two Faces of Manners
Manners can be the language of fear, or the language of respect. The difference lies in the direction of the heart. Those who truly respect others are naturally courteous; those who are afraid become excessively polite. That subtle difference in temperature is what shapes a relationship.
When Love Is Replaced by Anxiety
It is natural for love to carry anxiety. But when anxiety replaces love, relationships contract and sincerity fades. Geum-myeong’s parents would likely have done anything for their daughter—but their servile politeness may have been the very fear they never wanted to pass on to her.
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