When you finally learn the real name of your past, you expect the light of salvation to arrive, but reality is completely different. Truth does not bring liberation; instead, it unleashes a massive storm of confusion and rage. The realization that those who were supposed to protect you were actually the ones destroying you leads to a sense of betrayal that shakes the very roots of your soul. Every night, questions like "Why were my parents like that?" and "Why do I have to spend my whole life floundering with this hellish narrative?" begin to slash at your heart.
Resentment: A Justified Flame
When uncontrollable resentment and anger toward your parents surge, you often feel bewildered. You wonder why you are acting this way now when it’s all in the past, and you might even feel guilty, thinking your inner rage is only tormenting you further. However, this resentment is entirely justified—in fact, it is an essential energy for moving toward recovery.
This is because the child inside, who previously suppressed even the anger toward their parents just to survive, is finally taking advantage of a safe moment to scream to the world: "I was treated so unfairly back then, and it hurt so much!" Resentment is a sorrowful yet powerful declaration of the self, fully acknowledging that what happened to you was wrong. It is okay to resent them with all your heart, and it is okay to be furious. This is the only defense your present self can offer on behalf of the past self, who had no choice but to take it helplessly.
The Swamp of Alienation: "Am I Different from Others?"
Another monster faced by those who have perceived the truth is a sense of alienation. When you look at others who grew up in peaceful, warm homes and walk a normal path, the deficiency inside you stands out uniquely. It feels as though a massive abyss exists between them and you, and you feel like a ghost that can never be integrated into that normal world. The question "Why was I the only one born different, having to suffer like this?" exiles you to the most isolated island in the world.
But you must remember: while it is true that you are different from others, it by no means means you are flawed or inferior. You are a war survivor who fought a massive battle that others have never experienced in their lives. The perspective and depth of someone who grew up in a peaceful greenhouse can never be the same as someone who survived a hail of artillery fire. Alienation is not a drop in your value; it is merely a natural time lag that occurs because the weight of your narrative is overwhelmingly heavier than theirs.
Catching Your Breath Standing on the Ruins
During this time of chaos, it is best not to scramble to fix anything or force your mind to calm down. Your mind right now is like being in a state where the anesthesia has just worn off after a major surgery, and the pain is rushing in.
If resentment arises, it is fine to beat your pillow and cry; if you want to point fingers at the world and ask why you have to live like this, do it. All those chaotic questions are evidence of your vitality, bursting out because you have finally become strong enough to face the truth.
Though you may feel entirely lost inside a massive storm right now, once you completely pass through this tunnel of resentment and confusion, you will face the face of a true adult—one who is completely independent of their parents’ shadow and standing squarely on their own two feet. In the absolute dead-center of the storm, do not block the emotions flowing through you; endure the weight of that freezing truth with your entire body. Because you are already stronger than the storm.
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